British Garden Guide

We Canadians remain intrigued by the special uses to which the British sometimes put their gardens, uses that come to light in the pages of British tabloid newspapers.

A Season in a British Garden

 MAY

Sharpen tools.

Plan to prune family tree.

Feed lime pit.

 

JUNE

Clear upstanding garden bones

Cut back climbing aunt.

Drink plenty of lukewarm Bovril.

 

JULY

Poison Nigel’s kipper.

Get Dad to inhale pesticide.

Disinter Mrs. Innis.

Bury Nigel near roses.

 

AUGUST

Feed cat to Dora.

Put Mrs. Innis under hydrangea.

Have a nice cup of tea.

 

SEPTEMBER

Set man-trap for milkman.

Purchase quick-dry cement.

Peek at Nigel to see if composting has begun.

Serve scones to police.

 

 

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