January 2008 Stock Market Nightmare

An expert stock broker was asked this week if small investors should buy shares. She said, “Maybe. But stock prices will tank even deeper this month and nobody wants to catch a falling knife.”

Now there’s a nifty arrow of proverbial acuity that ought to be in everyone’s conversational quiver.

 

Flatulence

1. He who farts in church sits in own pew.

2. “That’s an heir to the throne,” said the king as he farted.

3. Breaking wind? Hell, that was a real shirt-lifter!

4. Slang term for beans warmed over a campfire: tent-puffers.

 

Lack of Beauty

1. She was so ugly, even the tide wouldn’t take her out.

 

Baldness

1. This comment was made by a man who once had a full head of hair but now does not: It used to be all waves, now it's all beach.

 

Other People’s Stupidity

These are actual lines from military performance appraisals at a Canadian base.

1. How dumb is that recruit? He got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

2. Evaluation Parameters for Platoon Mental Acuity:

She has a room temperature IQ. Knows enough to pick the flowers, but still sticks them in her ear.

3. That dude is so dense, light bends around him.

4. Look at that guy. It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm.

 

© 2007 William Gordon Casselman

 

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